I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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