shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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