If i come over, it means nothing
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
