So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
