I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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