If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
