Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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