she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
