Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
should my penis look like a turkey
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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