my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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