Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
