I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize