So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
