She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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