I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
