i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
