Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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