Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
