the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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