I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
