thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
