Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize