in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
