Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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