To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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