So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
