my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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