In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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