Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
They are going to name an STD after you.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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