Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
