Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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