...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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