Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Let's get the cat blown out
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
