home. puking in laundry basket.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
