We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
