I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
