You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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