I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
