Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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