How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
