If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
