id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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