so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
