you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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