Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
