dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
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