can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
