How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
