I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A+ Viking dick
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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