before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize