I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
