im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize