apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
