He uses pillows to masturbate.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My feet surprised me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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