And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
