their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize