I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
