i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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