you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
