I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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