If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize