Apparently you make a good broom.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
