Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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