So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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