Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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