I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
