you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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