We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize