I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
