Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
