The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
