This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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