Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
