The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
hell yes lets make some ravioli
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
