I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
