The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
