Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
