He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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