you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
