Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
