i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
