I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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