how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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