i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize