dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
