he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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