8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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