All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
