first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
