I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
