we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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