btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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