She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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