I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
