i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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