i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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