Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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