Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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