yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
