Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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