If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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