Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
