Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
