We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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