doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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