Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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