its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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