Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
