There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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